yes, all the signs have shown that i should leave. leaving and not coming back? i'm still thinking about that.

no matter how hard i've tried things are not gonna to get better. i have my own way of thinking and they have theirs. and voicing out is not gonna solve anything cos i am not even given a chance to do so.

guilty. yes i am. but why? a family should not be that way. now i can sort of understand why all of them started getting their own lives soon after they got married.

why issit that i should always be the one who is more understanding?? i hate being cling on to money matters when being in the family.

they jus doesnt let me feel secure at all. sometimes i jus felt that they are more of my money debtors rather than family. a so called bank for me to lead my life till i reach 21. or till i graduated and change into another bank. the word family has become so vake to me these few years.


usa trip, dont have to worry abt every sem's fees. yes! i'm like a pampered wealthy girl who doesnt have to worry abt money matters. but they dont understand that all these seems to be much more of a burden to me than joy.

sometimes i jus felt that me staying in this house is wrong,

i'm like making everyone unhappy.

so what is the use of staying in this house.


maybe we can get along well more when we dont meet up that often.

less contact, less argue..

"exactly 9 months ago. the same venue it's gonna to be (Terminal 1) & i tot everything would be different. i thought that things might have changed for the better once i stepped back into this country BUT... Yes, things changed but rather in a bad way. Now, i'm going off yet once again. & maybe it's the loneliness this time round that makes it so... that should be the reason why good/bad memories keep flashing through my mind. a phone call just before i board the plane. & i thought it was pretty sweet then. different languages & the continuos guessing through the phone chats i thought that was pretty interesting. i keep wondering why would a person changes within a short period of 7 days? feelings are not that strong anymore now. but memories keep flashing back lately which i really have no idea why? is it because of all the related stuffs? i've tried to get over and suppress all these memories into that far away corner of my brain. maybe it's the ego thats playing with me. i didnt manage to get it thats why i keep thinking abt it?? i wanna to tell somebody abt this but it's a long ago story & no one would wanna to listen to me repeating it again and again. so here i am typing it all down. maybe i might be laughing over my little girl writings when i view this blog ten years later.